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August was a ho-hum month pokerwise, but a fabulous month otherwise. From a poker perspective, variance is a bitch and she’ll lop your head off when you least expect it. Yes, she’s a she. Here’s the problem: I play on the Merge network on a skin called RPM (yeah, I outted it cuz u suck and I hope u deposit). Merge is smaller than Stars or Tilt. To give you an idea of how much smaller, think of a haystack as Stars and the needle in it Merge.

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If you know anything about the long run (I know I’m asking a lot here) you’d know that your expectation might be what you’d expect around the 500,000 hand mark. That’s slightly exaggerated, but not by much. I can only play 25k hands or so per month on RPM because there are only a few tables going at any one time. So, why do I play there? Because those few tables offer more profit than three times the tables on the big sites. Get it? Go where the fish are giving money away.

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But the long run doesn’t come fast enough. I’ve finally realized that and started adding in Rush again on Tilt to get my number of hands per month up. I also made a deposit on a mostly boycotted site with tons of fish, but a reputation of cheating. It is now two owners after the cheating occurred and I feel safe. I’m not sure if I’ll continue playing there, but for now the action is incredible. I’ve made a withdrawal from the network so I’m confident whatever I make there I’ll be able to cashout safely. It’s only a couple k anyway, so whatever.

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Absolutely no way I’d tell you the name of THAT site. lol.

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In other news…..I went hiking twice in August and both were fabulous experiences. One was originally a trip to Ten Lakes in Yosemite, but when Matt and I got to the top of the fucking universe we decided (okay, I decided) to go to Grant Lake instead of heading down eight billion feet to Ten Lakes. I’ve been to Ten Lakes a few times before as has Matt, so we chose the easy alternative to Grant Lake to avoid the ascent on the way out. An ascent I really didn’t need. We were already at 10 fucking thousand feet and I couldn’t breathe as it was. Goddam oxygen.

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The second one was a hike I’ve done many times before but never was it so special as this time. Michelle and I hiked from Pinecrest Lake to Cleo’s Bath which is a pool on the Stanislaus River in the Sierras. It’s a shorter yet much more difficult hike than the Yosemite pussy shit. Yosemite just makes you walk to the clouds. The hike up the Stanislaus makes you wonder whether you still have a will to live. Especially in the Vibram Finger shoes we were wearing. But that’s another blog.

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SplitSuit is organizing teams for next year. If you’re interested (and I know none of you dumb fucks are) let me know. He finished his book and my name is now in TWO FUCKING POKER BOOKS…….WHOO FUCKING HOOOOO…….my coaching rates just doubled from $0 to …. oh ….

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That’s blog enough. I’m tired of writing for now.

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Peace

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Onaflag………….

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That’s okay. It’s lonely at the top. I knew that back at my stupid government j*b. Whoa. That was weird. My own blog has a filter for bad words. Fuck me runnin’.

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We returned from the WSOP. That, I believe, was established in a previous post. Since then I’ve been grinding online. The site I play on (which I may just slip up and tell you what it is) is golden. It’s like printing money. That could be because I run like a God. Seriously, my EV is so far below my winnings it’s not even funny. Who cares. You can’t take away run good. With the month about to end, it looks like I’ll be sending my coach a shitload of money, which I’m good with. The more I send him, the more happy I am. Shit works like that.

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And English is my second language. Fuck.

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The team I head is going well. One of my students is doing well and looking like he’ll make up for about 1% of what I have to send Split and the other is a tilt monkey who hates money. Hahahahaha……. Okay, that was mean. It’s more like 10%. Zing. I’m always looking for another wannabe to join the team. Speak up.

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That’s all I got. Words with Friends on the iPhone? Don’t play with SplitSuit. He’ll ruin your day. Bitch makes two letter words worth 800 points. You want to feel like a genius? Play with me.

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Onaflag…………..

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I’ll just say this: when a plate is 500 fucking degrees and the meat on it is splattering, it is cooking. If you slice it down the middle, you just interrupted the cooking process. And its red in there. Duh. Blame is on the restaurant, but a little common sense could have averted an uncomfortable situation. Personally, best goddam steak I ever had.

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The WSOP trip ended well. I did indeed get to introduce Chris to SplitSuit. We sat around a sushi filled table playing Chinese poker for a few hours. The food was fabulous, and since I was paying I demanded nothing but full bellies. Imagine my surprise when Split picked up the tab. Fuck me runnin’. How embarrassing is that to be ordering all the good shit thinking you’re being the nice bastard for once?

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On a scale of 1-100 with 100 being severely embarrassed, I’d rate it a 1. hahahahaha…….. We’re gonna do that again….. good times, good conversation, good people. freelz.

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Back in shittown, the grind is going well. Live poker is cool, but online poker is where the money is. Not that live isn’t profitable or anything like that, it is, it’s just the fact that I have more money on my computer screens at risk than I do playing live and get 500 hands per hour as opposed to 2. Sometimes it really feels like that when dumb fucks get all hollywood and take five minutes to fold. I’ll save that rant for another day.

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I’ve fallen into a groove that I like. I haven’t played on PokerStars or Tilt for a while. I’m playing 100NL on a smaller site called ……

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YeahRightDotCom.

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Like I’d tell you where the fish are. No fucking way. Are you nuts? These people call all the way to the river with Ace high. They’ll call you down with anything. Except when you flop a full house. They sense that shit and fold before the action gets to them. They’re smart like that.

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Other shit going on….hmmmm….lemme think…..went on a three day hike in Yosemite. It kicked my ass as usual, but was a total and complete blast. I’ve gone completely Paleo with my eating habits inspired by my daughter, Michelle. I thought parents were supposed to teach kids how to eat. Boy, was I wrong or what? Don’t know what Paleo is? Google it you lazy fuck.

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That is all.

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Onaflag…………..

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I got up at a reasonable time Sunday morning and got a ride to the Rio from Todd. After some cheering and all that with the group in front of the tournament area I went inside and took my seat at about 11:59. There were some announcements over the loudspeaker and cards were in the air one minute later. There were four of us at the table for the first half hour or so, then a fifth, then a sixth. We played six-handed for the better part of two hours.

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Now don’t get me wrong. I play shorthanded poker and like it. In the right setting. And this was not the right setting. Short handed poker is a lot more volatile than full ring. That’s cool and I’m perfectly able to adjust for that, but we’re in a full ring setting regardless. You can get your short handed game on and accept the variance, but as soon as it becomes a full table, you might regret donking off chips when you didn’t have to. Therein lies the dilemma. One part of the brain is thinking ‘6-MAX YEAH, AGRESS!!’ and the other part is thinking ‘How the fuck do I get these chips back when everyone gets here?’

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Oh well. Minor stuff indeed, just something I was absolutely aware of.

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For the first two hours I stayed about even in chips. We started with 3,000 chips. I fluctuated a tad up and down until right before the first break.

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I’m in the cutoff (one before the button) with AK. Its folded to me and I open for 150. Big Blind calls and we see a flop. I missed. BB checks and I Cbet 175. He checkraises to around 500 and I fold. First limb chopped off.

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Two hands later, in Middle Position, I peek at AJ suited. Its folded to me and I open again for 150. The button calls and one of the blinds decided to jack it up big. I fold. Whatever, who cares, but the bad karma is starting to set in. I fold a few hands, the button gets back to me and it folds around to the CO (one before the button) and the chick there pops it up to 150. I look down at AK suited and make it 425 to go. She calls and the flop comes A94 with two diamonds. Nice.

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She checks and I bet 500 into a 900ish pot. She calls.

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Okeedokee. Where’s SplitSuit when you need him?

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Turn was a blank. She checks and I fire. In retrospect I think that was a mistake. At the time I wanted to price out a flush draw. When I fired the bet, all I could think of is SplitSuit, in a calm yet firm voice telling me that there are a million reasons to check back the turn. Manage the pot size with a one pair hand……open up her bluffing range on the river…..yada yada yada….okay, I fucked up.

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She called.

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Fuck. Now what do I do? The river comes a total blank and the pot is enormous thanks to yours truly. She fires 700 into a 8 trillion chip pot and I call. She flips over a flopped set of 9s and I am now what we call a SHORTSTACK.

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Whatever. I know how to play those.

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We go on our first break and I have like 850 in chips.

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After break, I put on my old Sit-n-Go hat and shoved like a champ. I chipped up to about 4,000 and back down to about 2,300 by the time the second break rolled around. Nothing special happened. I won some, I lost some. The biggest loss was AJ on the button. Its folded to me, I open, get called by a blind. Blind checks the flop, I bet, he checkraises, I fold. Whatever.

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We come back from the second break and the blinds are now 100/200 so I’m sitting on 10ish big blinds. Not good. I folded both my small and big blind as they came around and found myself with 7 or so bb left when the last hand of my tournament came up. It goes fold, fold, fold, and the dude in middle position opens. How much doesn’t matter. It was a standard open. It could now be debated whether he was opening light for a kind of steal or whether I should have known he was opening strong considering his image (tight).

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Whatever. It folded to me and I look down at AQ. I pushed. He called and flips over AK. I suck and am now part of the cheerleader squad on the rail.

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Another perfectly good opportunity to get rich quick squandered away by stupid cards. In five hours of play I was dealt one pocket pair that I was unable to play. 33 on the button with a raise and a reraise in front. I folded. Other than that, I didn’t get dealt any other pocket pairs.

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whaaawhaaawhaaaaboohooohooo who cares? It’s poker. There will be another tournament.

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Onaflag………..

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So we get checked in….wait for the baggage to arrive….and proceed to pass out for a couple hours. Up and at ‘em. There’s poker to be played, son. I needed to wake up so I made the walk to Venetian to see if I might see Rich playing. Not really sure if he had made it yet. By the time I got to Ventetian all I could think about was the exposed summertime flesh Vegas brings out in chicks.

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Ahh…poker…Rich…Venetian…right…what was I saying, again? Ah yes, wandered into Venetian, checked out some more exposed flesh, and wandered back to Bally’s. Fuck. I forgot to look for Rich. Well, at least I got some excersise.

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I decided to sit and play at Bally’s. Bought my chips. Sat down. Rich and Donny show up. Whoa. You guys are better at finding me than I am at finding you. Then, Gary K. comes by. Jason called. He’s driving in in an RV and parking it in the Rio parking lot where he’ll stay for the weekend. Hope that air con works. Chris will pick Curt up at the airport in a few hours. Casey should be on his way soon. Art is coming. Jesus, am I forgetting anyone? Lynne will be with Casey. We’ll have a goddam army here by tomorrow night. Dave? When is Dave coming? Saturday, I think.

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Case….booby…..what did we start, brutha?

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Got bored at Bally’s and went to play at Imperial Palace for a while. Boring.

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Event #47 if you’re following along. Starts Saturday. Six of us from the league are in. How many will cash? Who knows. But, ima try, goddam, ima try.

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The cast of characters are:

Casey W. (Co-founder of this mess)

Jim G. (a.k.a. Me, a.a.k.a. co-founder of this mess, a.a.a.k.a Onaflag, a.a.a.a.k.a. God to certain Satans.)

Todd S. (a.k.a. online tilt monkey or OTM for short)

Jason L. (a.k.a. ‘The Folder’)

Chris M. (a.k.a. The FolderMaker)

Dave C. (a.k.a. Broomcorn or his uncle or some shit) (Yes, he lives)

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Wish us luck.

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Peace.

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Onaflag………..

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Our trip. First, I’d like to say I’m damn glad Chris is going to Vegas. He’s been an inspiration to my poker career and quite possibly the one person who unknowingly convinced me to go pro. We’ve got a lot of work to do, buddy, but we’ll make it.

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We’ll leave for Vegas on the 24th which is really late night June 23rd for you normal stiffs. We’ll be checked in before noon on the 24th. We’ll hang, check shit out, and hit the tables. I’m hoping to introduce my coach and life mentor SplitSuit to Chris. We’ll see if that works out. Chris would certainly benefit from a ‘get together’ and based on past results, I’d be down a few buy-ins, but that’s cool.

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The other league fucks that accidently won seats, like Casey, for example, can suck my shlong while they play that bullshit in the pit that gets them ‘free’ nights at Bally’s. Free my ass, bitch. Whatever. I love how dumbasses ( not Casey BTW) (mofo could put a azz whoopin’ on me) think they get ‘free shit’ from….ahh nevermind…the iq of the readers of this blog would never get it anyway, that dumbass Casey included.

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Yeah, that means you.

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So, basically, me and Chris gonna kick some major KoonDingee at the cash tables. Stay sway. Very far away. Imperial Palace is MINE bitch.

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Oh, and, goddam, fuck you high limit fucks that think online poker sucks….you know who you are….I just dragged a $402 pot. Biggest pot I’ve ever dragged online. Yaaaaaay me!

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Onaflag………..

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roflmao

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cocksucker.

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Onaflag…………

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First, the team is going well. Split does a superb job keeping us all happy. Okay, that’s kinda not true. He couldn’t keep Chris’ girl from leaving him. And now that she’s gone, he hasn’t done anything to make her go back. Forget that he doesn’t know her, live in the same state, or specialize in relationships. He’s our mentor goddamit and should at least provide Chris with a clone or something. How fucking hard can it be? Not only that, but Scott has had KK cracked by AA like everytime he gets it this month (okay, that’s not a crack, but w/e), and can’t NOT get set over setted, outflushed, rivered, turned, or somehow otherwise fucked by the so-called ‘random-number-generator’ lol. Split can’t pick up the phone and fix that shit? wtf? I’m really starting to wonder.

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He does have some saving grace. Some. The man knows how to play poker. Not only does he know how to play poker, the man knows how to teach you how to play poker. Call me a nut-hugger if you want (he is kinda cute), but you WISH you had access to one of the premier poker minds of this industry. You don’t cuz you suck and I don’t. Alright, that’s enough gushy bullshit. Look him up. His rates are more than fair.

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Actually, fuck that, I’ll charge half. Look me up. hahahahahahha

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The garden is planted. Well, most of it. I’ll post some pictures…someday. There’s nothing too wacko like last year, but there’s still time, so who knows? I planted a pretty standard variety this summer: zuchini (two types, both asian), two lettuces (both asian), korean peppers (gochu), onions, parilla, cantelope, watermelons (big ass 25lb’ers), corn (new kind of red), tomatoes (a few different types), cucumbers (american this year), squash (but not the boring ass stuff everybody plants), some other kind of melon, beans (yellow and green), all kinds of peppers from sweet to hot to fucking hot, and two or three other things I can’t remember right now.

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Sunny got a Shih Tzu. I got a headache.

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Poker is going well. One week left on the month. Thank the Lord above for rakeback. lol. Don’t worry Split, ima create another ‘V’ that’ll make you all proud and shit.

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Peace

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Onaflag……….

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I correctly predicted I’d get a seat to the World Fucking Series of Poker and goddam….I was right. I’ll be playing Event #47 starting Saturday June 26th. It’s only a $1k buyin event so first prize will only be somewhere in the neighborhood of $750,000. I’ll do my best. Or maybe I’ll just try for a huge stack early on so I can play the cash games when I busto. I don’t know. Don’t really care.

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I do care. So, don’t read too much into that. Thing is, against six thousand villains, you’re gonna need to hit some run good to get a stack going. If I try that strategy and fail (most likely outcome) at least I will have tried something and not just sat there like a fucking scaredy cat waiting for aces and getting them cracked. Fuck that.

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Online is going well. We’re about halfway into the year and I’m still optimistic. That’s how I roll. I really need to bump up the stakes though. I mean….really. I’m playing 100NL right now and that ain’t gonna buy a new boat any time soon. Well, it’s late and I’m beat. I’m outta here. My email works fine. I’m on Skype, Yahoo, and rarely check into Facebook.

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Say something and maybe I’ll do more updates.

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Peace.

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I have 301 points. 6th place has 279. That’s a 22 point difference. We had a bad turnout last week as is usual for the last couple months of the league. It seems people who know they have no shot don’t bother coming.

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That’s fine with me. All they’re doing is solidifying the top finisher’s standings. The less people that show up means fewer points awarded to the final table. We had only 38 people show up and I expect fewer next month. Even if 38 people showed up next month, the halfway point would be 19.

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If you played absolutely no hands whatsoever and just blinded out of  the tournament you would finish roughly at the halfway point. If I play ZERO hands AND 6th place wins the tournament AND places 5, 4, and 3 are there with her at the top, then, yeah, I won’t get a seat.

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Ain’t happnin.

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Why are there only five seats being awarded? We have 30 members. That’s a pool of $6k. Exactly enough for six $1k seats.

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Because there is at least one person, hereinafter referred to as ‘cocksucker’, who probably won’t be paying his $200 entry fee. His name will be published here if that actually happens so no one does any gambling business with him in the future.

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There are others who still owe money towards their entry, but I’m confident they’ll bone up. If not, fuck their sorry asses. Names go here. Right here. On this blog. The one that no one reads anyway.

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Poker Update: Easy game. Graph is looking like a shuttle take-off for now. There are swings, of course, it’s poker, but the trend has got me a bit concerned. It is rising way too rapidly than I expected. That’s good. But, when it normalizes, I’m worried about how I’ll feel. We shall see. For now, I’m on cloud fucking nine because I cannot lose…..

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April may be a turning point for me. We’ll see. I have a feeling this is the month that I say goodbye permanently to 50NL. I’m certainly trying. I shot 100NL regularly, but it’s just not sticking. More on that later, but I’m just not assimilating well with the increased 3Betting and Flop Floating/Fuck You turn leading bullshit. For you non-poker short bus riders, there’s more aggression as you move up and you need to adjust. I’m trying to find the balance between ‘i think ur full of shit’ and ‘i know ur full of shit’.

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The former loses money. The latter wins it. There’s ur poker lesson for the week.

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Onaflag…………